It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
