I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
