i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
