Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
