Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
