I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
