I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
