Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
