I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
