His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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