I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
