she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
