I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize