Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
