My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
