I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
