does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
