so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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