well you can't waste a boner
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
