I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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