He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize