under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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