Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
