And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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