You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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