i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
