I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
