What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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