He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
