There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
