Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
