sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize