I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
