it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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