remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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