chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
