So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Oh god it's open bar.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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