Me too!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
