i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
