Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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