I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
