i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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