3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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