I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
