Can Purell be used as lube?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
