dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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