my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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