3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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