i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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