I wish I could punch you in the face.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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