i just wanna soil my oats bro
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
