my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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