It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
