you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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