I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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