Ambien. No doubt about it.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
