Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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