I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
