Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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