In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
