I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
