he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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