They should really pass out barf bags in church
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
