Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
