We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
