There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
