she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
