Pants 0. Shit 1.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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