There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
