Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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