she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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