If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
